Die Zauberflote (the flute, not the opera), the crazymakers, and mental illness…M4B*

One of the most extraordinary aspects of die zauberflote from my standpoint is the effect that it can have on anyone dealing with the traumatic issues of what we call ‘mental illness’.  While that is a fair term, all things considered, it may be an incomplete one. For, basically speaking, what is a ‘mental illness’? It is a condition where a person has a difficult time distinguishing between what is ‘real’ and what is not.  In fact, this is a basic condition of life — in that the earthly life we seem to take for granted is, in the most profound way, the opposite of a ‘life hid with Christ’.  All of the things we tend to value in the natural are ‘as garbage’ in the kingdom of Gd.  So, in fact, every Christian has to deal with a ‘mental illness’ of some sort in order to literally sort all these things out.  The realization of what is truly real and what is not is given to us through the power of the Holy Spirit.  It guides us so that we are not completely overwhelmed by realizing how much of our life we may have wasted chasing after false idols.  That being said, it becomes inevitable that once someone is saved their life is turned upside down.  The Apostle James said this is a cause for rejoicing, but that is probably not our initial reaction.  However, the minute we do not rejoice we become ‘backslidden’.  That is how opposite our new life in the Spirit is from our old life in the natural.

So I can look at what we call ‘mental illness’ in some respects as a division of the mind between what it once believed to be true (and still may be clinging to) as opposed to what one is now understanding to be true that is new and perhaps frightening.  In the world, there is no easy solution to ‘mental illness’ without medications and other strategies.  Sometimes the patient ends up quite sedated and unable to discern what their actual feelings or perhaps even thoughts are.  Sometimes medication is necessary in order to help a person through a terrible gulf of despair and fear.  Sometimes medications are a Godsend. For Christians, however, there are additional weapons — the Holy Spirit and spiritual warfare.  As Christians, we have the legal right, guaranteed by the new covenant of The Lrd Jesus Christ to claim His lifting (nasa) all sickness and weakness from us.  We can apply the blood, we can ask the Holy Spirit to heal us, and It will.

In my experience there is another aspect of ‘mental illness’ that I have yet to see anyone take into account.  That is the other part of the equation — the crazymaker.  These are people who will target someone they think are vulnerable and then appear to do everything they can to cause them to go over the edge.  A crazymaker usually cloaks themselves in the utmost garb of respectability and caring.  Any ill intent they may have for their target is usually deeply buried.  Such a person must by definition be ‘sneaky’.  They will tiptoe their way into the life of their prey and try to gain their confidence.  They may even have an assignment on the other person’s life.

In the natural, it can be very hard to deal with a crazymaker.  They may be the one making decisions for the ‘patient’.  The ‘patient’ has little credibility if they realize they are being cleverly manipulated by a crazymaker because, well, the ‘patient’ is supposed to be the ‘crazy’ one.  Christians, however, have resources well beyond those of the world.  They can ask the Holy Spirit for discernment, and for courage.  They can wage spiritual warfare and rebuke the manipulative behavior, while forgiving the person.  Then Gd can change that relationship for good.

And as for die zauberflote, I have seen it turn lives upside down, cleave and divide families and relationships, burn with a righteous winnowing fire, and somehow, in the most miraculous and heartwarming manner, bring almost everyone through to a safe place.  And so, when faced with any issue or difficulty on the part of anyone I know I can say with absolute confidence that “I will play the flute for you.  It always helps.  That is how I pray.” and know that as long as they can keep a gentle heart, all is working for good.

*M4B=Mozart For Believers


Die Zauberflote…the gift…M4B*

I can tell you in all honesty that I feel i was born with a target on my back.  When I was quite little I saw a vision of a dreadful being — a dark angel that I came to call “Lermontov”, because its appearance resembled the character Lamar Waldron played in the movie “The Red Shoes”.  This being seemed to have control of my birth family, taunting them, leading them into darkness.  It was a frightening thing for me as a child to carry this burden of sensing that there seemed to be something supernatural and terribly evil coming at my loved ones and threatening our house.  As you might imagine, nobody would listen to me.  I was unable to articulate in a convincing manner the challenges we were facing.  It seemed that my existence was what Lermontov objected to.  I could not imagine why.  It all seemed very sinister and strange.  I never ‘saw’ Lermontov again, but could hear the energy connected with ‘him’.  It was and is a dark energy, dense and threatening.  As I would try to go to sleep at night there were times when it felt as though Lermontov was trying to literally shake our house apart.  This dark angel used everyone in my birth family to try to cause me pain and do me harm.  I do not blame them.  They were just vulnerable and used for its dark ends.

My parents told me that I began singing at about eight weeks of age.  When I was near a radio I would sing along with the songs or jingles that were being played and then sing them on my own.  I was playing the piano and performing as a singer and tap dancer at age 3.  I was en pointe at age 7.  I did not begin to play the flute until I was 9.  At that point, everything in our lives seemed to go into upheaval — my Mother became ill and had to have an operation, my Father’s closest sibling, his brother Everett, died by his own hand.  It felt like we were sliding into an abyss, but in reality we had entered a kind of vortex where there was both good and evil.  We just could not see that.

As Lermontov tried to use my family members against me I began to realize that there seemed to be something in the energy of the flute itself that was protecting me.  I would fall ill dramatically and without warning (later determined most likely to have been poisoning) and then would recover just as quickly. I would find myself in dangerous situations, such as skiing and sliding down an Alp off-piste, not realizing that could have caused an avalanche, only to find that everything was fine. With all the persecution that I dealt with in my birth family (and a lot of it not very well) I managed to persevere and grow.  I was able by some miracle to leave that house alive. My father was almost not as lucky, as he nearly died by his own hand a few months after I left.

I was so devastated at my Father’s situation that, although I had been a superficial Christian — my family was Methodist — that I decided to turn my back on Gd as I understood Him.  How could He allow this to happen to my Father?  Especially when it was my Mother who was cruel and vicious?  I decided to put the flute away, and until I became saved did not perform with it or even practice regularly.  My life turned upside down and became quite convoluted.  I married a man who had great energy and abilities, but also suffered from the demons connected with alcohol, so the challenges were significant. But Gd spoke to me in the birth of our first child, who was the most miraculous individual I had ever known.  All the pain and suffering I felt I had endured from my birth family melted away.  Somehow, it had all been related — it was certainly all worth it.  I came to know the Lrd Jesus Christ personally, and was delighted to discover that I was pregnant again.  Our boys were only 14 months apart.  One born in San Francisco, and one in Boston.  We moved to Minnesota and our daughter was born there.  The flute guided us all, even through the tumult of treatment, and, ultimately divorce and distance.

Next came our bout with the clique I call “Monostatos” and their Orchestra.  Every avenue of success and substance was blocked off for us.  They took food out of the mouths of my children.  My birth family declined to help us.  How was I to raise three children alone and provide for them while what I considered my main avenues of supply, flute performing and the book I was writing about us, were being blocked, ridiculed, and slandered at every turn?  They had locked out Mozart.  They treated me as though I was already dead and just waited for something terrible to happen to me.

Nonetheless, the energy of the flute kept the vortex churning. Locked out of performing as a musician, I found I had a talent for making computers break down.  I tried to turn that into a living.  I met a man there who was also saved, and who helped me become grounded in the Word.  He became and is my longest best friend. He had also been caused to stumble and had been slandered.  Gd supported him and used everything for good.  I met my wonderful husband, who too came out of the vortex having been blocked and caused to stumble at every turn, perhaps due to the same mechinations of this dark angel Lermontov.

Then came an astounding series of events that may or may not have had anything to do with us and die zauberflote.  9/11 devasted my husband’s home town of New York City, where I had also lived for four years after growing up in nearby Fairfield, Connecticut. My Mother at that time lived not far from there, in Flemington, New Jersey.  My sister and her husband lived in DC. Then, my Mother moved to a retirement community in DC. The day all of us flew to DC to celebrate her birthday and perform and her party the I-35 Bridge came down. We used that bridge regularly as my children and their families live on the east side of the metro, and we live on the west.  My Mother then passed away, and all our family dynamics went into upheaval again.  My sister left to teach in Africa.  One child stepped away from the rest of the family.  At the stroke of midnight of the day following anniversary of the first performance of the opera Die Zauberflote in Vienna in 1791 the Minnesota Orchestra players were locked out.  October 22 of 2012 my hometown, as well as the entire NYC metro was devastated by Hurricane Sandy.  A few weeks later, Newtown, which I had visited recently for high school reunions, endured the terrible shooting at Sandy Hook.  Sensing that there might be a connection to the upheaval at the Minnesota Orchestra connected to their, in effect, through “Monostatos”, locking me out first, long ago, I wrote to Mr. Henson, then Mr. Sprenger, and Mr. Vanska.  I asked for their help and asked for die zauberflote to be heard on the darkened stage where I had once been encouraged to practice.  I was not even granted the courtesy of a reply.

But the energy of the flute has kept churning.  We are in the center of the vortex, and we are safe from this dark angel.  We are getting ready to begin our Locked-Out series of concerts.  We are preparing our conception video for Piper to the Alternative called “Out of Night and Fog”.  The main character of the video is, in fact the vortex.  I have been granted my childhood dream — a wonderful dark horse i nicknamed “Miles”.  His sassy silliness and warmth have helped me endure the suffering and trauma resulting from the realization that even my precious children had been used as a “hook of Lermontov” to cause me to lose heart and either die or take my own life. Exhausted beyond comprehension, I have let my horse be my strength, and let the horse be my speed.  The Holy Spirit in this gift of die zauberflote refreshes me and keeps me moving forward, even with a target on my back that Lermontov keeps trying to hit.

And so I say to you with all authority of my experience, that Jesus Christ and the kingdom of Gd are real, that He triumphed over all evil on the cross, and that He goes to the uttermost to save us, and to make intercession for us (Hebrews 4:25).  I can say this with the knowledge of having tried and failed so many times that His presence in this gift of die zauberflote has lifted me up, righted me, and set me where I need to be.  This is a gift of shalom.  I hope you will treasure it as I do.  It will do the same for you.

*M4B=Mozart for Believers…

Minnegeddon: The most insidious form of evil, imo…what I call “Anti-Mozart”…M4B*

The world is full of people doing bad things.  Then, terrible things seem to come at us no matter what we do.  It is just a part of life.  It can be said, in fact, that the true measure of a person’s character lies in how they deal with the destructive behavior of others, as well as the elements.  But in terms of issues regarding people, it seems to me there are two kinds of bad behavior.  One is overt — people have an attitude, they may act out to demonstrate that with their dress and hair.  Like some of the old-style rock stars, they let everyone know they are “bad”.  The other is, to me, far more sinister, as it is covert.  Those who are the least people you could ever possibly consider to have ill-intent, those who are the most ‘helpful’, slowly and slyly insinuating themselves into your life, encouraging you to ‘trust’ them, and to rely on them as a ‘friend’, can weave the greatest webs of destruction.  They may look just like everyone else — purposefully ‘vanilla’, so as to appear trustworthy.  They may have advanced degrees or good jobs, and appear ‘respectable’. But, make no mistake, deceit of this sort is just as deadly as someone assaulting you in your house with a firearm.

Wolfgang Mozart, for example, was imo conditioned to ‘trust’ people who appeared to be supporting him but who, in fact, carried murderous ill-intent toward him.  It is likely that he was conditioned by birth.  His father, Leopold, is a good candidate for the one who exploited him in this way.  I have wondered, especially when visiting Paris, whether the untimely death of Mozart’s mother (which Leopold then blamed on Wolf) was in any way related to her lack of protection for him as a child.  Tracks were made so that Wolf was vulnerable to the same type of ‘controller’ his father had been.  It is my thinking that Nannerl tried to step up to the plate too.  Her treatment of Wolf was little short of despicable.

But then Wolf met Constanze, and to whatever extent he realized what his father had been doing, probably felt as though he had been let out of jail.  Here was someone he could trust, someone who would support him no matter what.  But that was not to be the case, for Constanze only appeared to continue what Leopold had started, with dire consequences.

That the Mozart family was aware of Constanze’s usurping their position as Wolf’s ‘controller’ is evidenced in the fact that Leopold and Nannerl are buried in one spot in Salzburg, and Constanze in another.  This was very serious business to them.  After all, the Mozart g’zillions were at stake.  Of course, Constanze walked off with all of Wolf’s music as well as her reputation as his ‘grieving widow’.  And his sons.  Who would not extend compassion to them?  But I consider Constanze the most sinister of them all.  In fact, I think she killed him.

*M4B-Mozart For Believers

Who or what is “Monostatos”? :-0

In my posts you will find references to “Monostatos”.  Monostatos was, in Mozart’s prophetic opera The Magic Flute, a wicked servant in the temple of Sarastro, Pamina’s step-father.  Monostatos terrorizes Pamina. Monostatos is obsessed with Pamina.  Only Sarastro, stepping in at the last minute, saves Pamina from his wicked wiles.

When I talk about “Monostatos” I am basically making reference to my time on the darkened stage at Orchestra Hall and those involved with that.  So, to some extent, the term “Monostatos” represents the group of players that crawled out of the woodwork to try to flatter me in order to destroy me and die zauberflote.  The first member of the group was my flute teacher, who was at the time Principal Flute of the Orchestra.  Rather than acknowledge what he was really experiencing he sent me on various rabbit trails and, among other things, seemed to go out of his way to try to blame me for the change in the Orchestra’s name (at the time, that made no sense at all).  He is now deceased. Another member of Monostatos was a timpanist, also deceased.  There was also a trumpet player, now retired, and a horn player still performing with another orchestra.  Then there was the string player, who not only tried to destroy me but targeted my children.  If I speak of “Monostatos” as one person, it is him. This person is still with the Orchestra, and, for that reason, I at times refer to the ensemble as “Monostatos’ Orchestra”, as it is my thinking that he is the one who led them astray.  There is also involvement with another orchestra — hence, “Monostatos’ Other Orchestra”.

How happy we were before Monostatos...:-0
How happy we were before Monostatos…:-0

When you hear die zauberflote…(also known as “The Mozart Effect on Steroids”)…:-0 M4B*

I have lived with this extraordinary gift of die zauberflote, the real magic flute, all my life.  I have witnessed how playing it helped me to be rescued from the most seemingly impossible situations, even those of attempted murder and impending accidents.  So when I talk about it I am speaking from my own experiences.  In fact, without its gentle and graceful gift of beauty, sound, and power, I would not be here.  So you might say my perspective is not exactly objective.

For a very long time I realized that I tended to speak, as it were, from inside an opera — where things that made perfect sense to me were considered terrifying and outrageous by those on the outside.  I also gradually came to understand the profound effect that hearing die zauberflote has on others.  Some laugh, some cry, some seem to gnash their teeth, others sit in stony silence.  I can comfortably say, from my perspective, that no one hears die zauberflote without having some sort of noticeable, if not profound, reaction.

But it was what follows a hearing of die zauberflote that for many years frightened and discouraged me, for once someone experiences die zauberflote, their relationship with me begins to change.  The most improbable things begin to occur.  One of them is something I call ‘sludge’.  It is not unlike an emotional sort of quicksand. The other person seems to slow down and become tired more easily.  Now I realize that when that happens it may be that the dark angel I call Lermontov has managed to get their claws into this person.  Only constant playing the flute for that person, plus waging spiritual warfare, will help Gd use even this darker energy for good.  However, now that I realize that this can happen, I always ask listeners to ‘keep moving’ and keep a gentle heart toward Gd.  I now realize that Gd is simply getting the poison out; and after a time of upheaval all will work for good. 🙂

*M4B=Mozart For Believers

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