When I was a child, playing the flute, I had no idea of the chaos that was occurring around me. It seemed to me that most that heard its lovely sound were taciturn. I later learned that was the spiritual equivalent of gnashing their teeth. Others simply wept with tears of joy — my Grandpa Gardner, for one. At the time, I thought he was simply pleased that I was given a gift of music. Now I realize it was much more, even, than that…
Now I realize with sadness and even dread that there is a terrible burden connected with playing die zauberflote. Its sound and presence causes many to stumble and behave badly. Even my most precious loved ones have fallen prey to this devastating reality.
There seems to be a mystery attached to this — again, something I was not able to put together in a coherent manner as a child. Apparently, I am supposed to be conditioned to allow people to use die zauberflote against Gd’s will. I perceive this conclusion (though it is false) as the expected consequence of the persecution and even torture that included poisoning on the part of my birth family. I was also conditioned by them to ‘believe’ a false gospel. Later I learned that my Mother, at least, was very possibly an apostate “Christian”. I was apparently supposed to be a helpless fool — someone who was not ‘good with money’ and so ‘needed to be taken care of’. A sort of Man-Can whom the underworld of music could use at will.
After countless interactions with supposed ‘professional’ musicians I have little doubt that it is this misconception that fuels their disrespect and even at times palpable contempt of me and their attempts to sandbag and dead-end me at every turn. From the moment I met the person at the hub of what I call “Monostatos” — a bass player (the lowest of the low!) I had the distinct impression that, for some reason, it was ‘either me or him.’ The two energies — that of die zauberflote (a gift of shalom) — and that of worldly players — could not exist together. I gradually came to understand that Gd was asking me to start over, and to find players who were comfortable with me and die zauberflote. That has not been an easy task, and I can recount a series of episodes, either comical or sad, depending on one’s viewpoint, to attest to this difficulty.
So as I move forward with what I call Minnegeddon it is with sorrow and awe, for the warm reception that I once anticipated for someone having a direct connection to Wolfgang Mozart has been tempered and refined by the knowledge that during his lifetime most not only wished him dead, but a handful may have acted upon that ill-intent. So what I once envisioned as a rapturous revival is now revealing itself to be a stark and even morbid reality that die zauberflote and I will face no more love and grace in the future than we have in the past. The thought of almost everyone stumbling over it is almost more than I can bear. But I came across this Bible verse, that speaks to the heart of what is happening — “I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.”
http://biblehub.com/romans/11-11.htm I have read it many times, but did not understand before that it does, in fact, contain an alternative to simply stumbling and falling. It contains the boundless gift of love that is our Gd, that will go to the ends of the earth and back again to bring us close to Him. I have seen that in my own family, even with my own precious children. I know this to be true. And that gives me confidence to move forward…
M4B*= Mozart For Believers