A Simple Christmas…M4B*

Because of the persecution at the hands of my birth family, which included being systematically poisoned in their attempts to control this great gift of shalom that is die zauberflote and try to use it against God’s will, Christmas has a special meaning for me. I learned it the hard way. At the time, I could not understand why it seemed that God had abandoned me to people who insisted on turning themselves into monsters. Yet nonetheless I willingly stood in ankle-deep icy mud, at times with tears running down my face, and sang Christmas carols with the neighborhood children in my hometown of Fairfield, Connecticut. Although I came to realize that the persecution would intensify during the holidays, I fairfield house vnever lost my love of every piece of music connected to Yeshua, the Messiah.

But much of the hooplah came to make me quite miserable. The tree, the tinsel, the cotton batting on the mantle with a cardboard sleigh and reindeer, and of course, “Santa Claus” — whoever that was — came to represent to me an abyss of hopelessness.

“Let’s have our Christmas!” my Mother would chuckle, as she got out her notepad to record which gift was from whom, so we could immediately send thank-you notes for everything under the tree.

Well, that was it. The Bible sat dusty and untouched on a bookshelf, and everything swirled around who got what. And of course, I seemed to end up with items I had never wished for nor could ever use. That seemed to be part of the orchestration.

At the time, being quite young, it was all very confusing. Now, looking back, I can see how God has used everything for good, for I literally cannot tolerate anything having to do with Christmas that does not directly lift up the Lord Jesus Christ. I no longer ‘celebrate’ what I call ‘Xmas’. No tree. No lights. No wrappings. Just the music. And The Presence.

And I am richly blessed…I invite you to do the same…:-)

*M4B=Mozart For Believers


Was Mozart poisoned? *M4B

During the 80’s, the intellectual and musical community went into something of an uproar over the question of whether or not Wolfgang Mozart had been poisoned.  This was largely due, of course, to the outrageous play and then movie, AMADEUS.  Wolf was presented as an irresponsible, narcissistic person, who had a hard time getting along with people, and as a result, suffered a miserable and premature death.  But was it murder?  Did Mozart’s rival at the court, Antonio Salieri, actually poison him?  In AMADEUS, the conspiracy is trolled throughout the movie, but it is never specifically identified.  There is no scene of Salieri offering Wolf  a glass of wine laced with arsenic.  There is no plot devised as to just how this would have taken place.  It is all left up to our imaginations — and just as the movie’s offhand references to a ‘magic flute’ leaves us with only whispers of what might have happened.

When we look a bit deeper into the underlying aspects of AMADEUS we do find, oddly, that Salieri apparently did ‘confess’ to poisoning Wolf late in life.  When Ludwig Beethoven found out about this possibility, however, he jumped to his teacher, Salieri’s, defense.  Even more odd, Wolf himself said that he felt like he was being poisoned with acqua toffana by someone who had estimated the exact time of his death.  That sounds rather like ritual murder, don’t you think?  Wouldn’t researchers go diving headfirst into this possible conspiracy to murder the greatest musician of his day?  But no.  Instead, we find the ‘serious’ historians poo-pooing the idea and chastising anyone who finds anything about it credible.  This is what AMADEUS does.  It belittles even Wolf’s own statements, as well as Salieri’s, so that we are supposed to be left with the thought that poor old Mozart just caught a bad cold or something and died.  Sob, sob…

However, if we look at Mozart’s gift from a Christian perspective, we can open a door that has, until now, remained bolted shut.  If Wolf had an extra gift, an unusual gift, that everyone wanted to steal so nobody would confirm to him, his life takes on a different meaning. If, everywhere he went, he was being sandbagged by people pretending to be friends only to trick him and cheat him of what he had rightfully earned, some of his actions that have not made sense now might. Wolf was excoriated for his sarcasm.  If someone were tricking you, leading you into losing situations, slandering you behind your back, and trying to cause you to end up in the poorhouse, just how would you react?

If Wolf’s unusual gift were a gift of the Holy Spirit, how would that affect his life?  It could only be used in kindness and forgiveness.  It could not be used for personal gain.  It could only point to and honor Jesus.  It could, then, tell him the truth about every situation he was in and protect him from all harm.

Just what connection might this have to Mozart’s being poisoned?  If you knew you had access to a person, say, as a family member, or spouse, who had an unusual gift of which they remained unaware because nobody would confirm it, would you be tempted to try to control it, and use it for own ends?  Might you be tempted to make a way to assure yourself that you would never have to worry about Wolf’s finding out the truth of this gift?  If so, just how might you accomplish this?  One dose of poison to murder him? Or small doses to weaken him and make him vulnerable to being controlled by the one doing the poisoning?  Just some food for thought…

*M4B=Mozart For Believers





Wolf and the ‘controllers’…M4B*

If you will consider the possibility that much of what you have been told about Wolfgang Mozart is false — either mistaken or deliberate disinformation — you might gain a better understanding of who he was and what his life was really like.

If you were to begin with that premise, you might want to research an odd common denominator in his life — that he was not allowed to, or able to, live alone.  You will see that virtually everywhere he went, up until the last months of his life when he and Constanze were separated for health reasons, he was almost always surrounded by people in his daily life.

If you look a little deeper into his family life you will find that his marriage to Constanze caused a great deal of conflict with his father Leopold and sister, Nannerl.  Why would this be? you might ask.  Was Constanze simply not good enough?  Or could there have been another and more sinister reason?  In fact, you will find that Constanze is buried at one end of Salzburg and Leopold and Nannerl at another.  That might give you a hint.

Leopold made repeated claims that Wolf was unable to take care of himself, and that he was ‘not good with money.’  This is, imo, a significant clue to what was really going on.  Translation:  Leopold did everything possible to make sure Wolf could not make a living comfortably on his own.  In fact, it seems he did everything possible, short of an actual tether, to manipulate Wolf.  He had no compunction about complaining that, of course, Wolf and Constanze had to move again, because they didn’t have any money.  Leopold had no problem, in fact, virtually slandering Wolf and his inability to earn a living as Leopold thought he should.

And herein lies the key:  Wolf had a controller.  And when Wolf married Constanze she became the controller, leaving Leopold and Nannerl in the lurch.  Wolf was even virtually disinherited by Leopold, and I think this might have been why.

The grisly truth about Wolf’s life was that beneath that splendid and brilliant, cheerful and sarcastic exterior was an exploited child tethered to someone with ill intent, trying to manipulate him and  his gifts against God’s will for him.  In fact, if you look at the Requium in that light, you may gain a new perspective…

M4B*=Mozart For Believers




The Anti-Mozarts…”Christians” who are comfortable with slander and murderous ill intent with an end of financial gain…:-0 M4B*

Long ago, when I was caught up in the web created by my Mother (whom I believe was being used by the dark angel I call Lermontov) I found myself in need of a topic for my undergraduate honors degree.  I was horrified by what looked to me to be spiritually depraved behavior on the part of my birth family toward me and this great gift of die zauberflote that I had sworn to do my best to protect (even though that backfired).

While I was away from Bucknell, at the University of Edinburgh, I spent a year studying Shakespeare (plus two history courses).  Every day there was a lecture on a different play.  I sat in the drafty, cavernous lecture hall, able to see my breath, listening with what should have been rapt attention.  But, instead, I found myself distracted.  While studying in the English lit study hall (where the U provided copies of all textbooks, so no one had to buy them) I had discovered Ben Jonson.  I found that he, though living in the shadow of Will Shakespeare, was also a dynamic and controversial dramatist.  I began to feel a kinship toward his use of satire, especially when it came to the hypocrisy of the Puritans, who were running rampant at that time in Elizabethan England.  I found we had something in common that Will and I did not — a strong distaste for religious and spiritual hypocrisy with the end of fraudulent financial gain.

And so my thesis developed.  Why was it that Jonson seemed to go out of his way to take them on?  What was their response to him? Were the same agendas he was writing about then applicable to me and my situation now?  Yes, I decided.  And so my paper developed.  It has now been published online: http://digitalcommons.bucknell.edu/honors_theses/343/

When I wrote this paper I had no idea what I would yet have to face –thank goodness, as I would have been overwhelmed.  As I work today to untangle myself and die zauberflote from what I call the ‘vortex of the evil eye’ that took Wolf’s life before his time and has tried to silence me forever, I find that I must comment on the behavior of some of the nest of those with ill-intent who are blocking me.  Their common denominator seems to be that they call themselves “Christians”, yet they are comfortable with having murderous ill intent toward me and my children.  Of course, since humility and righteousness are prerequisites for any of us actually being able to call ourselves Christians, the world that they live in is probably that of the ‘working of error’, or what I call the Kingdom of the Night.  It is ruled by — you guessed it — the dark angel, Lermontov.  And so they gather around and try to seek out any whiff of weakness in me while whirling like dervishes, comfortable that any agenda will remain hidden, while they try to ‘steal’ die zauberflote and use it against God’s will to make money for themselves, thinking that they will stay free of consequences (while conveniently forgetting what happened to Saphira and Ananias!)…

So, in a sense, perhaps nothing has changed since Jonson’s day after all….:-0

M4B=Mozart For Believers




For my sister, “Starla” — a Mother’s Day wish come true…:-)M4B*

There has been a secret in our family…one, in fact, that my birth family has risked life and limb and their very souls to keep from coming to light. My Father almost died by his own hand because of it. My Mother tried to put curses on me and my children because of it. My family moved away from my home town to a remote area a six-hour drive away because of it. My sister has moved halfway around the world because of it.

My birth family attempted to use my precious children to continue the persecution that this secret represented. They were targeted from birth, it seemed. At the time, there appeared to be little I could do to prevent it.

But Gd in his great mercy finds a way to use even the most horrible situations for good. All of this is beyond our earthly comprehension. As I watched the consequences of my birth family’s predatory treatment of my children, my heart was breaking and my soul was seared with almost incomprehensible grief. But the Lrd was telling me to “Rejoice!” How could I possibly do this, I wondered. And yet, I did my best to make a sacrifice of praise of what I could not understand.

But now, this year, this Mother’s Day (which also happens to be my birthday) I do have an answer, and it has been worth the wait.

The Lrd has used all the tumult of my childrens’ relationships with my birth family to get the secret out into the light. The secret itself — my birth family attempted to put a ‘mark’ on me. This was done in stealth and deceit, through systematic intermittent poisoning. The goal was to make sure that, even with this great gift of die zauberflote, I would have no alternative but to doubt Gd. I was supposed to believe I did not have His favor, but they did. I was supposed to believe I was not ‘good’ enough to go to Heaven, but they were.

My birth family treated me as though I was already dead and waited for something to happen. What did happen was that Gd has turned our family upside down.

And there has been a great concept at work here. Children cannot lie to their Mother, even if they wish. Children always tell the truth to one who loves them, through their word and action.

My children are of no more use to you, “Starla.” 🙂

*M4B=Mozart For Believers

Wolf, me and the “Amadeus” slander factory…:-0

Recently I taught a room full of second-graders for the day.  It was an interesting experience.  During storytelling time the lesson plan (devised by the regular teacher) instructed them to sit cross-legged on small carpet squares while the story was read.  It was, to me, a rather confusing story — Goldilocks and the Three Bears, but in a play put on by penguins.  So, to some extent, I don’t hold it against the students that not all were interested.

I discovered quickly that half of the class had decided on their own not to sit and listen to the story.  Instead, they were running around ‘cleaning up’ the classroom and chattering. I thanked the students who had been on task and was planning to take down their names (from their name tags) so that their teacher would give them credit for this.  Then, one of the off-task girls came running up to me, very excited.  “Mrs. B, we’ve all  written our names on the blackboard so that our teacher will know we were the ones that cleaned up the room!”.  I nodded and smiled to myself.  It was, in fact, possible to outsmart a second-grader!  On my notes to the lesson plan I added, “It looks like all the students who were off-task during the reading time have written their names on the blackboard.” 🙂

And what does this have to do with Wolfgang Mozart?  Or me, for that matter? Most anyone who knows anything about Wolf will acknowledge that either he had some very bad luck during his life or there were a number of people badmouthing him wherever he went.  When else has a musician simply out to do their job created such controversy?  But, no matter where Wolf turned, he was met by those trying to block him and destroy his credibility.  It is my position that he was slandered, and the slander contributed to his untimely death.  And it is my belief that the ominous movie “Amadeus” combines most of the slanderous myths about him into one carefully-crafted package so that anybody could simply despise Mozart as a person while stealing his music and performing as though they were he.

And what does that have to do with me, much less a room full of second-graders? Wherever I have gone and turned there have been those who have either insinuated themselves into my life through stealth, or whom I have no alternative but to interact with.  Some have flattered me to my face and slandered me behind my back.  Others have been comfortable with outright attack and persecution.  One of the most difficult situations I have ever faced has been acknowledging that one of my most cherished family members chose this route.  I was too devastated and grieving to do anything but remain in denial for quite some time.  It has only been recently that I have been able to accept the things I cannot change.

When I started writing Piper to the Alternative long ago, I wrote about the “Vienna Mystery” surrounding Mozart’s death.  I imagined that there was a vortex of negative energy around him that I call the “vortex of the evil eye” that caused his death.  A number of people close to him had agreed to his murder.  They treated him as though he was already dead and waited for something to happen.  At that time I had no intention or understanding that I too might possibly be a part of that negative vortex, and that my own life, worst-case scenario, could also be at stake.

And who are those people who have gathered around me and perhaps even agreed to my murder?  Who are those ‘oh so helpful’ individuals who seem to think I am oblivious to the fact that they treat me as though I am already dead and then seem to be waiting for something to happen?  Let me give you a clue — they have all written their names on the blackboard. They have slandered me to you.  They have deliberately claimed to be a part of my inner circle and then have gone out of their way to make false representations about me.

They, like the second-graders, have managed to solve the problem for me.


My Mother’s curse…and an interesting coincidence…:-0 M4B*

I sincerely doubt that anyone who met my mother, Katherine, was not bewitched by her charm and poise.  In fact, I would have myself, had I not also been a target of her vicious, even murderous, agendas.  When she was charming it was almost impossible to realize that she could, in an instant, lash out in a demeaning and disrespectful manner.  I quickly became aware of her dual personality and, even as a small child, never trusted her to be honest with me or look after my best interests.  In fact, by the time I turned four, I had come to realize that ‘nothing was as it seems or as I am told.’  It seemed that my Father just stood by and watched things happen.  My younger sister, Angela, seemed to hide and gloat, and did not, or was not able to, help me.

However, as a child, everywhere I turned, there my Mother was.  Only when I was sent to my room (the precursor to being grounded) or allowed to go outside after finishing my homework, to the relative heaven of the fluffy fields, stream and woods surrounding our dead-end street in Fairfield, Connecticut, did I feel that I could calm down and really think for myself.  Her influence was very controlling.

However, the commotion surrounding my most likely having been poisoned by her on more than one occasion caused a terrible upheaval in my birth family.  My Father almost succeeded in taking his own life when he figured out what had happened.  He spent quite a while in a hospital recovering.  During that time, my Mother decided to take things into her own hands (once again).  After returning from a session in New Haven with my Father and his doctors, she came into the livingroom where I was sitting and perched herself on the footstool to my Father’s chair.  At that moment, the air seemed to become both black and white around her.  There was a fearful intensity of negative energy.  Her eyes became black as coal, with a white light of some sort seeming to emanate from them.

“You are just like your Father, Pam. The same thing is going to happen to you!” she spat at me.

At that moment three black frogs jumped out of her mouth.  Not real frogs — something that looked just like ‘frogs’ in a spiritual sense.

At that point the black and white light dissipated.  She left the room and walked upstairs. I felt alone, and frightened.  In our house at that time the Bible sat on a shelf with other books.  It was rarely opened.  I had not read Revelation, and, at the time knew nothing about a possibly analogous mention of ‘frogs’ in Revelation 16:13.  I did not know what that meant at the time, and I can’t say that I do even now.  Some of those writing commentary on this verse seem to tiptoe around the fact that ‘frogs’ are specifically mentioned: http://biblehub.com/commentaries/revelation/16-13.htm.  All I know is that is that ‘frogs’ are what I saw that night…

*M4B=Mozart For Believers


Oh, let’s make fun of the libretto to Die Zauberflote…:-0 M4B*

Throughout the 200-odd years since Mozart’s last major opera, The Magic Flute, was premiered in Vienna on September 30, 1791 (coincidentally, the day which, at midnight, ushered in, thanks to the machinations of a real-life “Monostatos” and his cohorts, the recent lockout of players by the Minnesota Orchestra), there has been scarcely a music critic anywhere who hasn’t felt comfortable and probably had a good laugh taking potshots at the libretto.  Not to be outdone, the curiously anti-Mozart movie Amadeus decried the magic flute, magic bells, etc, as ridiculous. Perhaps we should ask the MO’s own Sir Neville Marriner about this, as he was involved with it!  The point of the objections seem to be that nobody on the planet should take the libretto seriously, unless they want to join the tin-hat UFO believers, or perhaps those who believe JFK was killed by a conspiracy!  In short, it is just not musically-correct to look at the libretto of this opera with an objective eye, much less try to determine what a genius such as Mozart was thinking of when he agreed to it.

Here is one example of a typical ‘analysis’, at a musical website:


I have emailed them to let them know that them analysis is a little shortsighted.  That will probably get a chuckle too.

One character in the opera though, who, to my mind, is severely undeveloped, is that of the snake that appears in the opening scene.  It is so terrifying that Tamino faints, and the handmaidens of the Queen of the Night have to kill it for him.  Then, of course, the feathered Papageno enters into the fray, claiming that it was he who was the hero.  A charming scene, no doubt; but somehow Wolf seemed to be missing the point!  This is a terrifying creature.  It might have better been described as a dragon than as a snake.  However, there is, in the Bible, a great and terrifying snake — it is called Leviathan, and is found in the book of Job.  Leviathan represents an evil spirit, or presence, that entwines itself in our faith and in our finances, and seeks to work ill in both.  In fact, one of the most difficult and torturous areas of Christian life seems to be just that — being grounded in faith while not being devoured by a love of money.

In my life, having lived through this opera, viewing it from the inside, I can say without a doubt that this snake is possibly the most powerful long-term character in the opera.  In fact, it is the snake, or dragon, that gives power to the Queen of the Night and to Monostatos.  This Leviathan has insinuated itself into the lives of everyone I know, trying to get them to turn against Gd’s will for them.  And, as I am aware of how some of the characters ‘should’ act, it has been incredibly distressing to watch them ‘morph’ into something ugly.

So, when we decide to take a look at the libretto to Die Zauberflote again, perhaps we might at least give pause, and acknowledge that, perhaps, there is some sort of mystery here?  Something beyond our simple understanding?

Just a thought…:-)

M4B=Mozart For Believers


Minnegeddon and the awesome burden of Die Zauberflote…M4B*

When I was a child, playing the flute, I had no idea of the chaos that was occurring around me.  It seemed to me that most that heard its lovely sound were taciturn. I later learned that was the spiritual equivalent of gnashing their teeth.  Others simply wept with tears of joy — my Grandpa Gardner, for one.  At the time, I thought he was simply pleased that I was given a gift of music.  Now I realize it was much more, even, than that…

Now I realize with sadness and even dread that there is a terrible burden connected with playing die zauberflote.  Its sound and presence causes many to stumble and behave badly.  Even my most precious loved ones have fallen prey to this devastating reality.

There seems to be a mystery attached to this — again, something I was not able to put together in a coherent manner as a child.  Apparently, I am supposed to be conditioned to allow people to use die zauberflote against Gd’s will.  I perceive this conclusion (though it is false) as the expected consequence of the persecution and even torture that included poisoning on the part of my birth family.  I was also conditioned by them to ‘believe’ a false gospel. Later I learned that my Mother, at least,  was very possibly an apostate “Christian”.  I was apparently supposed to be a helpless fool — someone who was not ‘good with money’ and so ‘needed to be taken care of’.  A sort of Man-Can whom the underworld of music could use at will.

After countless interactions with supposed ‘professional’ musicians I have little doubt that it is this misconception that fuels their disrespect and even at times palpable contempt of me and their attempts to sandbag and dead-end me at every turn.  From the moment I met the person at the hub of what I call “Monostatos” — a bass player (the lowest of the low!) I had the distinct impression that, for some reason, it was ‘either me or him.’  The two energies — that of die zauberflote (a gift of shalom) — and that of worldly players — could not exist together.  I gradually came to understand that Gd was asking me to start over, and to find players who were comfortable with me and die zauberflote.  That has not been an easy task, and I can recount a series of episodes, either comical or sad, depending on one’s viewpoint, to attest to this difficulty.

So as I move forward with what I call Minnegeddon it is with sorrow and awe, for the warm reception that I once anticipated for someone having a direct connection to Wolfgang Mozart has been tempered and refined by the knowledge that during his lifetime most not only wished him dead, but a handful may have acted upon that ill-intent. So what I once envisioned as a rapturous revival is now revealing itself to be a stark and even morbid reality that die zauberflote and I will face no more love and grace in the future than we have in the past.  The thought of almost everyone stumbling over it is almost more than I can bear.  But I came across this Bible verse, that speaks to the heart of what is happening — “I say then, Have they stumbled that they should fall? God forbid: but rather through their fall salvation is come unto the Gentiles, for to provoke them to jealousy.”
http://biblehub.com/romans/11-11.htm I have read it many times, but did not understand before that it does, in fact, contain an alternative to simply stumbling and falling.  It contains the boundless gift of love that is our Gd, that will go to the ends of the earth and back again to bring us close to Him.  I have seen that in my own family, even with my own precious children.  I know this to be true.  And that gives me confidence to move forward…

M4B*= Mozart For Believers



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